You are a Gnom. After much deliberation, the orange smoke billowing from the chimney in the Attic can confirm it.

Every person on this Earth is a genuine and authorized Gnom. As a Gnom you are entitled to the following rights and privileges:

1. To invoke infallibility at any time, including retroactively.
2. To completely rework the Erisian church.
3. To baptise, bury, and marry (with the permission of the deceased in the latter two cases).
4. To ex-communicate, de-ex-communicate, re-ex-communicate, and de-re-ex-communicate (no backsies!) both Your-/Her-/Them-/His-/It-/Our- self/selves and others (if any).
5. To perform all rites and functions deemed inappropriate for a Gnom of Discordia.

SO BE IT FOREVER RECOGNIZED

On Etymology: Sources disagree regarding the proper translation of the word Gnom. Some scholars argue that it should be rendered as Mome or Pope, which - though not inaccurate - reflect a preoccupation with gendered semantic roots, often not corroborated in all versions of the holy texts thus far uncovered.

Having the arcane gift of reverse-crossdoubling (coincidentally the name of an extremely difficult folk dancing move), some Gnoms discovered that regardless which texts they studied, they came upon new evidence for older and more complex meanings of the word. Presently there are multiple robust theses under formulation, including Tote and Nope.